


You Gotta Know When To Hold 'Em

by Duck_Life



Series: Never Talk To Me Or My Son Ever Again [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Gen, Guilt, Physical Therapy, Sabacc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-04
Updated: 2016-03-04
Packaged: 2018-05-24 15:07:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6157594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Duck_Life/pseuds/Duck_Life
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dr. Kalonia teaches Finn how to play sabacc. Choices are hard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Gotta Know When To Hold 'Em

Finn walks into physical therapy one afternoon to find Dr. Kalonia sitting cross-legged in the middle of the floor, a deck of cards spread out in front of her. “Hey there, bigshot,” she says, pointing to a spot on the floor. “Have a seat.”

Finn sets his cane on the floor and gingerly lowers himself to the mat. “We’re not doing PT today?”

“Meh,” Kalonia shrugs. “It’s walking. One foot in front of the other. You got it.” She shuffles the deck of cards, unfamiliar symbols flaring fast before Finn’s eyes. “Today you’re learning how to play sabacc.”

The rules are confusing, but Finn’s a pretty fast learner and Kalonia’s a pretty good teacher. Soon enough they’ve got the gist down and they start to play, and that’s when it really gets hard.

The cards aren’t always worth the same, and too many times Finn ends up hanging onto a good hand until it becomes a bad hand. Kalonia beats him easily the first two games they play— and he’s pretty sure she’s going easy on him.

“How exactly is this helping me?” he sighs at one point, frustrated.

Kalonia grins. “It’s not, it’s helping me. You owe me about 20 credits by now.” Finn blanches and she laughs. “I’m kidding. We’re not playing for credits. Please, it would be ridiculously unfair. I’m very good.”

They play for hours, Finn taking his time every time he has to decide whether to bet or fold. They’re playing for nothing but the satisfaction of winning but it’s still too much pressure, knowing that any minuscule decision he makes, whether to keep or discard, whether to take a chance or play it safe, can lead to a loss.

“I’m sorry,” he says at one point.

“It’s okay, Finn.”

“I just… I just feel like I have to think through everything that might happen. And then… decide. It’s hard.”

“I know,” she says. “And we’re not even playing for anything. Did you know that Han Solo won the Millennium Falcon in a game of sabacc?”

Finn winces involuntarily. “Why would anyone bet a whole ship?” he says, brow scrunching up. Gambling’s such a foreign concept to him. In the First Order, there were no bets, no decisions, no choices. No risks. No losses.

“Well, that’s the fun of it,” she says. “Win, lose. Anything could happen.”

Finn takes an exceptionally long time deciding his next move.

They play until dinnertime, and then Kalonia packs up her cards and gives Finn a warm smile and tells him she’ll see him tomorrow.

Poe’s out on an inspection so Finn sits with his pilot buddies, Jess and Snap and Karé and Iola, and he listens to everything they say and tries to remember things. Who’s sleeping with whom, what weird animal Karé spotted at the edge of the woods this morning, whether the cafeteria’s carrot cake is worth eating. It’s a lot of information, a lot to process. For them it’s small talk; for him it’s a training manual. _Do this, don’t do this, don’t talk about this._

Finn goes back to Kalonia the next day and they play sabacc. This time she teaches him how to shuffle and how to bridge the cards. She even shows him a trick she knows, slipping the card between her fingers to make it disappear. When Finn asks her how exactly she’s doing it she smirks and tells him, “A magician never reveals her secrets.” And then she deals.

After Finn loses spectacularly to Dr. Kalonia for the fourth time, she pats him on the shoulder and says, “Better luck next time,” and then he wanders off on his way to dinner.

He gets distracted, though— there’s some kind of commotion happening in the hangar. Finn cautiously walks out to figure out what’s going on, and then there she is— Rey, hugging everyone she can see and laughing.

“You’re back!” he shouts, sprinting for her. As soon as Rey catches sight of him she bolts to him and they end up slamming into each other a little too hard. Finn doesn’t care; he wraps his arms tight around her waist and lifts her up without even thinking about it. Rey shrieks with glee and hugs him back. “When did you—”

“Like half an hour ago,” she says breathlessly. When she whips around to point to the Falcon, he gets a face-full of her hair.

“What happened to the buns?” he says, spitting out strands of her hair.

Rey laughs. “It got too long for those.”

“I like it,” he grins, and she smiles so wide and so bright and for a moment he forgets all of his social anxiety and shortcomings.

That night Finn has nightmares about a red lightsaber and a dying sun and the falling, falling snow.

Kalonia wins their first game the next day, but Finn at least feels like he put up a fight. “You’re getting better,” she says, shuffling the deck.

And Finn hits her with a question out of the blue. “You fought with Han Solo, right?”

“Sure,” she says without looking up from the cards. “Fought with him plenty. That man did not understand the meaning of the word ‘bedrest.’”

“No, I mean,” Finn says, “you fought with him during the Rebellion.”

Kalonia takes longer before answering, taking her time to shuffle the cards both ways to keep them from bending. “Yes, I fought with Han Solo,” she says, nostalgia and sadness tinting her tone. “A little. I didn’t do much on the front lines where he was. But I knew him.” She sighs. “Knew Kylo Ren, too. I delivered him, as a matter of fact. You know, sometimes I think there’s not a man in this war I didn’t either yank into the world or see him out of it.”

Finn nods slowly. His hands have started to shake, and Kalonia notices it. “What’s wrong?”

“Just…” he starts, and he tries to crush down the panic in his chest. “I… I mean, I was there. I was up there… watching it all happen when he… when Han Solo died. And I keep, I keep thinking I could have _done_ something, I _should have_ done something…” He takes a deep, shuddering breath. “Everything I do or everything I _don’t_ do, it ends up with something bad happening to someone else. Back… back, before, in the First Order, if you did something wrong you were punished. But out here… it’s not always you, right? It can happen to anyone. Someone can die because I didn’t do anything, and Han Solo…” Something chokes off his words; he can’t talk anymore.

Dr. Kalonia reaches out and puts a hand over his and just sits there for a long time, listening to him breathe, letting him calm down.

“Finn,” she says, “do you know the most important rule of sabacc?” Finn looks up at her, surprised. He shakes his head, and she smiles a small, tight smile. “Nobody ever wins.”

“What?”

“Nobody ever wins,” she says again. “Not really. Everyone cheats and everyone lies, and you always end up with less than you started with.”

Finn looks down at the cards and then back up at her. “Then why does everyone keep playing it?”

Kalonia shrugs. “Because it’s fun.”

Late that night, Finn fumbles while pouring himself a cup of kaf. He watches helplessly as it spills over the floor and he stands there frozen for a moment.

“Mop’s in the storage closet,” Jessika Pava says from the couch without looking up from her magazine. Finn nods and heads for the closet across the lounge.

Finn opens the door and there’s Rey, bunched up against the brooms and bawling. “Oh, hi,” she says, sniffling. “Um, what are you looking for?”

Finn blinks. “Mop.”

Rey reaches behind her and pulls out a thin squeeze mop. “Here.”

“Thanks,” Finn says, taking the mop. He looks at Rey. “Are you okay?”

“I’m,” she starts, and then apparently decides she can’t lie to him. “I’m just… thinking about Starkiller Base. And Han Solo. I just… I feel like I could have saved him. Especially now that I know everything that I can do.”

Finn nods because he understands. “When I’m done cleaning up that spill, do you want to learn how to play sabacc?” he says. “Dr. Kalonia taught me.”

Rey wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. “Sure,” she says, and she smiles.


End file.
